Everyone acknowledges the “emotional rollercoaster” that is infertility. You deal with it every month in another cycle that did not work, and then you wait every year as your peers have their children and you are still childless. The burden of hope, the financial decisions that need to be made about treatments, the choices of clinics, dealing with what everyone else says… it never ends. All in all, it becomes very easy to become derailed emotionally from who you want to be when it feels like you’re never going to get there.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is like acupuncture without the needles. You tap on certain meridians while saying affirmations.
The real beauty about this technique is that its starting point is in self-acceptance. I believe that only in truly accepting the place that we find ourselves in, do we have a chance of moving forward. This was further brought home to me while reading this post. A study was done where subjects were either told that they would have a colostomy bag for a limited time, or forever. Guess who was happier? The ones that accepted it would be there forever. So for us, accepting infertility and all the good things in the present is a lot more healthy than pining away for an uncertain future.
EFT begins with the setup (example) statement: “Even though I fear I will never have a baby, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”. You say this three times, while tapping on the sore spot or Karate Chop point. (To see more pictures of the points please go to my site here).
You then tap on a series of points and say a reminder phrase:
Top of the head: “So much fear I’ll never have a baby.”
Top of eyebrow: “All my friends have babies.”
Side of eye: “I’m so sick of waiting for mine.”
Under eye: “Tired of waiting.”
Under nose: “Worn out and losing hope.”
Chin: “Feeling despair and sadness.”
Collarbone: “When will it be my turn?”
Under arm: “I want my bundle of joy.”
Now switch it over to positive choice:
Tap on the Karate Chop point on the side of your hand: “Even though I feel like I never will have a child, I’m choosing to love and accept what will happen. Even though sometimes I feel hopeless that we will never have a family, I’m choosing to have faith that things will work out. Even though I lose my faith sometimes, I’m choosing to focus on the good things in my life right now, and believe I will be a mom someday.”
Top of the head: “I’m appreciating my husband.”
Top of the eyebrow: “I’m grateful for my dogs.”
Side of eye: “I’m grateful I have time to do things that I want.”
Under eye: “I know there’s a greater plan at work here beyond my human comprehension.”
Under nose: “I know things are going to work out.”
Chin: “I have faith that somehow, it whatever form, we will be a family.”
Collarbone: “It’s not necessary when and how I imagined it would be, but it will be the way that works for us.”
Under arm: “I’m accepting what is now so that the future will take care of itself.”
Finish off by doing an alternate tap, which means we will acknowledge both the positive and negative in the situation.
Top of the head: “Hopeless.”
Top of eyebrow: “Hopeful.”
Side of eye: “Sad and despairing of the future.”
Under eye: “Focused on the present joy.”
Under nose: “Depressed.”
I hope that was useful for dealing with just a portion of some of the emotions infertility can bring up. Please visit my blog at http://onestepatatime.co.za for more resources and check out my very cute son!